…we’ll all stick together! That line from the University of Florida song is appropriate if you are a Gator fan reeling from four consecutive losses. Two of those losses came at the hands of NFL teams, the LSU Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Tide. The other two losses were tough, because Gator fans are stubbornly holding onto the thought that “this is Florida…we are not supposed to lose like this”. Fast forward to this week as the Vanderbilt Commodores come to town for the Florida Homecoming Game. Last year, the Gators lost the homecoming game to the Mississippi State Bulldogs. I was there at the game. Legend has it that the last time the Gators lost to Vanderbilt at home was in 1945. The Gators expressed their frustration by tossing head coach Tom Lieb into Lake Alice, which actually had alligators in it. I am assuming that the university did not renew his contract. One thing I do know is that if the Gators lose to Vandy at home this year, I will make plans to toss Will Muschamp into Lake Alice myself!
…and in all kind of food spills, we wear BDUs! Rest in Peace, Battle Dress Uniform (BDU). BDU was born in September 1981, when the US Army adopted this uniform to cover up coffee spills on the fatigue uniforms. Some officials at the Pentagon spread rumors that the camouflage worked in real combat situations. Apparently, the Commie Pinko Bastards of Russia liked to spill coffee on the frozen tundra of Russia. This fact made the BDU an ideal uniform for combat with the Americans during the Cold War. In 2005, the Army conducted a 30-second trade study and replaced the BDU with the Army Coffee-resistant Uniform (ACU) and immediately declared the BDU outdated with a 1-minute phase in period for the new ACU. In 2006, the Air Force started a 10-year acquisition program to replace the BDU with something sexy, functional, yet sassy for a modern Air Force. Was resulted was a blue Hawaiian t-shirt with a belt. After much consternation from Air Force officials due to the Hawaiian t-shirt’s inability to obscure coffee stains as well as the BDU or ACU, the Air Force embarked on another 20-year study to copy the ACU, yet instill the Air Force’s own sexy, functional, yet sassy for a modern Air Force modifications. This ah-mazing invention is called the Airman Barracks Uniform (ABU). Even though the ABU does not conceal coffee stains, the Air Force stuck with the ABU thanks to General Halftrack getting kickbacks from his retarded brother, who owns a company that makes ugly ass, vomit-green boots. With the adoption of the ABU, the BDU’s demise was set at All Hallow’s Eve 2011. Perfect. On this day, All Hallow’s Eve, we bid adieu to our old friend, the coffee concealing BDU. Meanwhile, the Army is already at generation 17 of its uniform evolution.
…we run our fat asses off, since we do not get time to do it at work thanks to “organized PT”. This weekend I ran a total of 14 miles, with 3 of them being barefoot. Conclusion: I need new shoes. Maybe I do not need any shoes. I am thoroughly intrigued by the concept of barefoot shoes. I just might take the plunge and wear the ugly Vibram Five Finger (toe) Shoes.
…we Tebow. Saint Timothy Richard Tebow failed to miracle the Denver Broncos to a win. Unfortunately, Saint Timothy ran out of Holy magic and stunk up the joint. I am a big supporter of Saint Timothy, but if he continues to embarrass the name of NFL football with that God-ugly…well, everything he ****ing does with a football, I will disown him. Seriously. Put down the ****ing Holy Bible and open up the ****ing playbook, ***hole! ****! I have seen ****ing 10-year old ****ing girls throw a ****ing football better than your ****ing ***! What the ****ety **** **** are you trying to do? It is too ****ing late to enter the Suck the **** for Luck ****ing Sweepstakes! Do you ****ing realize that as soon as the Broncos ****ing draft another ****ing quarterback that they will trade your ****ing *** to another ****ing team? At this ****ing rate, you will not be worth more than five ****ing pesos! ****, Timmy! You ****ing embarrass me! Oh yeah, your ****ing coach and the rest of the ****ing Broncos ****ing suck! Suck! Suck! Suck!
…we’ll all stick together! This weekend’s back-to-back Halloween shindigs at the Echevarria house and the Shavano Park school were awesome! At least I think it was. The sangria and appletini are making those memories somewhat fuzzy.
- Florida Gators 20, Georgia Bulldogs 24 (walterkilar.wordpress.com)