Shiver me timbers! That was a ****ty movie! In this installment of Pirates, we follow Cap’n Jack Sparrow as he chases the glorious booty…Penelope Cruz, er, the Fountain of Youth. Speaking of Fountain of Youth, after only five minutes into the movie we can tell that the idiots responsible for this terrible movie were stooping to any level to salvage this sunken ship of a franchise and inject life into it any way possible. They failed. Without the two leading ladies from the previous three movies, Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom, this franchise is dead with no hope of resurrection–with or without a mermaid’s tear and the stupid fountain! Yes, it is a stupid fountain! Anytime actors, directors, producers, and dare I say, gullible consumers, get anywhere near the fountain they are guaranteed to lose mucho IQ points. Unless you have plenty of brains to spare, as I do, avoid this mindless drivel and spend your money on something more useful! 1/ 5 stars. Rated S for stupidity. No plot. Mindless action. No Keira Knightly. No mythical sea creatures to entertain the kids.
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