I live, I love, I slay. Yep. That pretty much sums up the entire movie. That and boobies.Aside from some touching father and son moments with Ron Perlman, and Morgan Freeman reading the entire movie plot in the first two minutes, this movie is all fighting, boobies, more fighting, and more boobies.
Inevitably the first question people ask about this movie is whether or not it compares to the Arnold Schwarzenegger masterpiece from 1982. The movie opens with the friendly, welcoming voice of Morgan Freeman, as if we are going to see happy scenes from “March of the Penguins“. Instead of breathtaking scenery we get blood, guts, and boobies…or babies. Like the Schwarzenegger flick, the acting is superb, worthy of an Academy Award. Boobies, bad acting, and awesome fight scenes are plenty. Conan fornicates the damsel in distress’s body double, some people die, we see some boobies, and Conan saves the day. Roll credits. Cue sequel…with more boobies. 2/5 stars. I would have given it 3/5 stars if the damsel in distress did not use a body double.
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