Preview of the (Unofficial) World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party

I’m no Football pundit, but here is my pre-game analysis of the matchup between the Mighty Gators and the Bullpups.

Why the Gators will win 45-10:
1. Georgia? Defense? Do those two words go together? Even our abysmal offense should find the red zone against this inept crew, even if the Bullpups are emotionally charged.
2. Quick! Dive on the Heisman trophy before it explodes! Someone has to step up and earn that chunk o’ metal. It might as well be Timmy as he regains his form from last year and hangs a whole lotta TDs on Georgia.
3. Can I buy a vowel? How about a kicking game? Okay, let’s pretend that whomever wins the recently re-opened kicking game actually nails the easy friggin’ kicks and the PATs.
4. Defense! It’s what has saved our @$$es thus far. Brandon Spikes needs to go Wilbur Marshall on the enemy.
5. Defense! The secondary should not let kindergartners wander across the street without assistance. Let us greet these kiddies with a warm welcome and a hug, as we drag them to the ground with vengeance!

Why the Bullpups might win 13-3:
1. Florida runs the dive play 99% of the time.
2. The offensive line forgets which team they are supposed to block. Hint: look for the red and black.
3. Injuries. Florida has lots of built-in excuses due to injuries. Not so in this game.
4. Timmy’s still hearing bells. Has Tebow really changed since his injury? Some can point out supporting stats. I’m just saying.
5. Rivalry. 2 years ago, we were embarrassed. We got our @$$es handed to us. Funny thing about rivalries is that the over-under just doesn’t matter.

The stats below show we should win, but Florida’s play all year has defied logic. At least they give me a warm fuzzy that we’ll be fine. Go Gators!

Matchup	Gators Offense	Bulldogs Offense
Points/Game	35.3 (16)	27.0 (100)
Rush Yards/Game	258.3 (7)	108.0 (201)
Pass Yards/Game	198.7 (137)	226.7 (83)
Total Yards/Game	457.0 (13)	334.7 (151)
Third Down Pct.	46.0% (31)	39.4% (112)
Fourth Down Pct.	62.5% (43)	37.5% (173)
Sacks	16 (156)	6 (19)
Sack Yards	-84 (111)	-46 (36)
Rushing TDs	15 (44)	6 (203)
Passing TDs	12 (79)	13 (58)
Carries/Game	316 (26)	209 (220)
Yards/Carry	5.7 (5)	3.6 (161)
Completion Pct.	65.0% (182)	56.0% (152)
Yards/Pass Attempt	8.5 (18)	7.3 (86)
Pass Rating	156.1 (17)	129.3 (110)
Avg. NCAA Football Ranking	40.2	84.8

Matchup	Gators Defense	Bulldogs Defense
Points/Game	10.1 (3)	27.7 (175)
Rush Yards/Game	94.6 (29)	127.3 (107)
Pass Yards/Game	135.0 (5)	238.3 (198)
Total Yards/Game	229.6 (4)	365.6 (150)
Third Down Pct.	23.5% (5)	32.3% (45)
Fourth Down Pct.	38.5% (73)	54.5% (170)
Sacks	20 (35)	14 (118)
Sack Yards	-115 (71)	-88 (138)
Rushing TDs	2 (5)	5 (32)
Passing TDs	2 (1)	15 (218)
Carries/Game	225 (36)	246 (73)
Yards/Carry	2.9 (29)	3.6 (93)
Completion Pct.	52.1% (37)	54.7% (67)
Yards/Pass Attempt	5.0 (6)	7.1 (155)
Pass Rating	86.8 (1)	131.5 (168)
Avg. NCAA Football Ranking	15.5	86.7

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

Allergies? Cold? Flu? Reaction to OTC medication?

On Monday I felt fine–the sun was out, weather was great, and I was feeling great. On Tuesday, the wind shifted and the temperature dropped. I started showing symptoms of allergies, which made sense given the fact that pollen was blowing in from the desert. I felt best on Wednesday when I had dinner by the beach. Thursday was terrible. I couldn’t stay awake. Sneezing. Runny nose. Watery eyes. I left the conference, took some medication, and slept from 10 AM to 6 PM, and again from 9 PM to 5 AM. Today I feel groggy and hungry, with minimal allergy symptoms. I cannot tell if I have been fighting allergies, cold, flu, or effects from medication, but I cannot wait to leave LA and get home to SA.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

Cyber, cyber, cyber!

Today at the symposium, I got a day’s worth of exciting speeches on cyberspace. Cyber this. Cyber that. Cyber here. Cyber everywhere. Why the hell does the Air Force brag about cyber when its fate is decided bunch of old people who cannot even operate a computer? I remember going to a class on cyber defense a few months ago and seeing the instructor thumb through a “TCP/IP for Dummies” book. Seriously, folks! Kids these days know that book before “The Cat in the Hat.” I even had to get out of my seat and teach my classmates how to use Linux, because numb-nuts that teach the class only know how to press buttons in Windows software. The “Defend Cyberspace” button must be in large font and located above the Start button for the old fogies, or else our networks are in serious trouble. This is the fate of our our cyber-defense?! Really? Today’s talks were exciting, but I cannot help but wonder where all these great ideas go. I can only hope that the eighty-pound brains in today’s meetings have the common sense and the intestinal fortitude to make a change in the slow, bureaucratic processes that hinder the development of a competent cyberspace capability.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

First Monday after a loooooong vacation

Here it is. Monday morning. Monday morning after ten days of being on leave in beautiful Florida with my awesome family. It feels so empty inside without them, especially after spending every waking moment with them for ten straight days. We had a lot of fun together, and I cannot go more than a minute without reflecting upon the great time I had. I miss them so much right now, and I feel bad for leaving so suddenly. I spent all Sunday night unpacking from Florida with the family only to re-pack for California without the family. I had to be at the airport at 0600, so I had to kiss the kids goodbye while they were sleeping.

I got to the airport late, because my alarm clock automatically adjusted itself for daylights savings a week early and the alarm went off one hour late. At the airport, I realized that I left my uniform belt at home.  Arrival in Los Angeles went well, but it became apparent at my meeting in LA that my boss has not been providing me with enough information to successfully execute my job. Other than the lack of information, my meeting went well. I feel that I have been making a valuable contribution to this multimillion dollar effort.

Dinner with the boss and my other co-worker went well, but it only reminded me of how much I enjoy dinner with the family. After talking with my co-workers, I realize that I am losing a lot of quality time with my family. By the time I retire from the military and have more control over my life and my free time, the kids will be out of the house and I will be old, fat, decrepit. I need to find a way to spend more time with the family while I am young and actively working. If I had enough leave, I would take off every Monday and have a three-day weekend every week, or fly away to Florida once a month, or lounge around the house on random days in the middle of the week. I need to find a way to spend more quality time with the family while I am young and healthy, and while I am actively working.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

Florida Gators – 50% Review of the Season

Right now, I wish I could say I were happy with Gator football and how they are playing. Alas, I am not very happy. I wish I could put it in perspective and just be happy that we are winning and that we are still atop the polls and in control of our destiny. I am not. This was supposed to be the year we asserted our swagger as a Gator Nation. I want that swagger back. I want to be proud of our wins, not apologetic. I have to apologize to Arkansas and Mississippi State fans that “we only won because of the referees”. I have to apologize to Alabama fans that we are ranked above their beloved Crimson Tide because of a “conspiracy to keep SEC as #1 or #2 to ensure an SEC representative in the BCS.” Of course, I do not believe any of this hogwash, but it is hard to establish swagger when all of your swagger credentials are not very convincing. This was supposed to be the year of Tebow and the awesome defense, not the year of the Gator haters winning the smack talk wars.

I am not proud of the Arkansas win, but I may be biased because I was at the game and wanted something more electrifying. All the other wins were legitimate in my opinion, and I can back those up with my own smack talk. What worries me is a loss to a rival like Georgia or the School Out West–bitter rivals have a way of exposing weaknesses.

All in all, it is great to be a Florida Gator. I just hope that the boys from old Florida start clicking and start asserting some swagger behind their next wins. I don’t care if we only win by 1 point, because a win is a win. I just want to get the referees out of the discussion on how we win. I want us to stop fumbling. I want us to score once or twice in the red zone. I want our defense to smother someone’s offense. I want Tebow to show why he was the Heisman winner a couple years ago and why he should be a contender this year. Most of all, I want to establish this year as one of the best years in Gator football. Oh year, an SEC championship and a BCS championship would be great, too. That isn’t too much to ask for, is it?

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

Sigh. Going back ‘home’ to Texas

I thoroughly enjoyed being back home in Florida and hanging out with the family. My favorite part was the Florida-Arkansas football game last week. It was also good to see my parents. The beach was fun as well, since Texas beaches just cannot compare. I was also happy to hear that my little brother returned home from Afghanistan safe and sound. The kids’ tournament went well, and it gave us an excuse to relax a bit in Orlando.

I did not like having to spend my time on leave working on work-related projects, but my workplace only gives me work to do when it’s inopportune for me. I was less than happy to work on school while on leave, but it is the only way to get my work done.

I was also a little perturbed that my little brother will not be going home to mom and dad for Christmas. As much as I love my mom and dad, I do not want to burn more leave to see them in two months without Larry home. Instead, I am trying to get mom and dad to come to San Antonio so they can see some old friends from 30 years ago and celebrate JR’s birthday. Mom and dad went to South Carolina for Gabriel’s 2nd birthday, so I think it’s fair if they come to Texas for JR’s 10th birthday. I have a feeling my sister-in-law will not be happy, but I think it’s fair–we have the other grandchildren, we are due a visit, and we have my parents’ old friends.

This was a well-deserved vacation. I am getting burned out at work. My lack of appreciation at home is only surpassed by my lack of appreciation at work. I will be reflecting upon this vacation to Florida for quite some time.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

ATA Fall Nationals Tournament 2009

Sigh. Ninja monkey #1 (the boy) got 4th in forms and sparring. His old instructor was a judge, and I don't trust her objective judgement (we don't get along). It would not have helped his scores, but she was harder on J than the others. In sparring, the boy has a bad habit of flailing his arms when kicking and he gave 2 points to his opponent due to penalties for illegal hands to the head. Sometimes I wonder why he competes. He doesn't seem to care.

Hooray! Ninja monkey #2 (the girl) placed second in forms in a tiebreaker. She wobbled a bit, but all other aspects of her form looked great. She still needs to work on flexibility in order to break into the world top three rankings. In sparring she faced a friend of hers. Apparently she forgot how to sidekick and was taken apart rather quickly in a very one-sided sparring match.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

ATA Fall Nationals 2009

Ahh. ATA Fall Nationals. Once again, my little ninja monkeys are competing in Orlando. This year, there are a lot of changes in the rules that seem to be affecting everyone. Rissa’s weapon form looked great, but she got her lowest scores ever. JR actually scored well, but needs a lot of work. I can’t wait for the tournament to be over so we can relax. Good luck, ninja monkeys!

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

Finally! My brother is home from Afghanistan. I applaud him for surviving his toughest deployment to date. I can't wait to see him again and hear some good war stories. More importantly, I'm happy that he is home with his wife and kids who have missed him so much and had to suffer with very little contact. Welcome home, little brother! You are my hero.

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer

It’s good to be home in Pensacola, but lately my hometown is starting to feel less like home. Most of my friends have left. Some of my closest relatives have passed on. Nothing looks the same. At what point does one’s hometown stop being home?

Walt Kilar, Cubicle Engineer